Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
