We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing