just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101