he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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