he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
