i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?