Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...