i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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