yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
