did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
