wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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