Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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