her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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