lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
