I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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