and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
