Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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