I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
