even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
