ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
