are you still at the devil's house?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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