I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
