so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
