We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
