I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
