yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
