if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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