I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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