Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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