I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
