careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
