she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
