dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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