Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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