I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
