so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
