Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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