it hurts more in the daytime
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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