Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
