I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
