You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's like iHOP with fire
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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