I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
