The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
