What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
