I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize