the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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