I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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