I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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