Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
