New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
