it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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