I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
