i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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