So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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