she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
