well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
