why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
