I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
