just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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