I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
