You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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