the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
