Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
