i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
