drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
