She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
