I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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