he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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