The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
