I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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