Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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