The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
