mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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