i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
