come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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