at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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