I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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