The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's get the cat blown out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
