alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
