i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
