You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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