Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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