i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Alive.
So much puke
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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