Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
