It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
