I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
