I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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