if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
