Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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