apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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