dude i'm inner monologue high
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
