Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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