Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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