They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My ass is underappreciated
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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